Hey, kids. Guess whatâ€™s going on today. United Healthcare opens new headquarters. At this new headquarters, which is a $39.5 million former telecommunications office, theyâ€™ve spent an inordinate amount of money. $46 million in redoing their whole health care specifically for their employees and their executives. United Healthcare with the Minnetonka expansion, for instance. Theyâ€™re doing what a lot of these big companies are doing, and my point about this whole thing is hereâ€™s a health care company. They spent $40 million, and they made a gym that has treadmills in it, a lot of them with a lot of big screens. Theyâ€™ve got a picture of it here, and thereâ€™s one person running.
This kind of thing is they hold this up to the media and they say, â€œWell, see, weâ€™re really going proactive. Weâ€™re really giving our employees what they need to become healthy and fit. Hereâ€™s a $12 million gym that no one goes into with a $4.90 an hour person behind the desk who pretends to be a trainer and spits out all the popular crap. Then nobody comes, and nobody shows. Theyâ€™re just fat, and they die. They go to the fair and eat peanut butter on a stick and drop dead.
The fitness center entices the buildingâ€™s 1600 employees, entices. It entices them.
Now, folks, Iâ€™ve been training a long time. And Iâ€™m here to tell you, 99.99999 percent of the population isnâ€™t enticed at all by fitness. Theyâ€™re repulsed by it. Theyâ€™re going to the Texas State Fair and theyâ€™re buying deep fried butter.
12 million dollars. Yet these people wonâ€™t pony up a dime for their own fitness, you know.
Before we start spending billions of dollars, and by the way, since this is a UnitedHealthcare system, youâ€™ll be paying for this nice little unit that you know that none of those 1600 people give a crap about. Actually, you and I will be paying for that in that, the healthcare system.
â€œAn aspirin, sir? Yes, thatâ€™ll be 49.95, please. Weâ€™ll take two forms of ID and a pint of blood, you son of a bitch. Now get out of here.â€
Folks, go outside, kind of like me and Uber Gary are and go for a walk, man. I mean, places are beautiful. This is free, didnâ€™t cost us a dime. Not one penny.
Go forth, deep fry somethingeth. Now be goneth.