Hey, kids. Guess what’s going on today. United Healthcare opens new headquarters. At this new headquarters, which is a $39.5 million former telecommunications office, they’ve spent an inordinate amount of money. $46 million in redoing their whole health care specifically for their employees and their executives. United Healthcare with the Minnetonka expansion, for instance. They’re doing what a lot of these big companies are doing, and my point about this whole thing is here’s a health care company. They spent $40 million, and they made a gym that has treadmills in it, a lot of them with a lot of big screens. They’ve got a picture of it here, and there’s one person running.

This kind of thing is they hold this up to the media and they say, “Well, see, we’re really going proactive. We’re really giving our employees what they need to become healthy and fit. Here’s a $12 million gym that no one goes into with a $4.90 an hour person behind the desk who pretends to be a trainer and spits out all the popular crap. Then nobody comes, and nobody shows. They’re just fat, and they die. They go to the fair and eat peanut butter on a stick and drop dead.

The fitness center entices the building’s 1600 employees, entices. It entices them.

Now, folks, I’ve been training a long time. And I’m here to tell you, 99.99999 percent of the population isn’t enticed at all by fitness. They’re repulsed by it. They’re going to the Texas State Fair and they’re buying deep fried butter.

12 million dollars. Yet these people won’t pony up a dime for their own fitness, you know.

Before we start spending billions of dollars, and by the way, since this is a UnitedHealthcare system, you’ll be paying for this nice little unit that you know that none of those 1600 people give a crap about. Actually, you and I will be paying for that in that, the healthcare system.

“An aspirin, sir? Yes, that’ll be 49.95, please. We’ll take two forms of ID and a pint of blood, you son of a bitch. Now get out of here.”

Folks, go outside, kind of like me and Uber Gary are and go for a walk, man. I mean, places are beautiful. This is free, didn’t cost us a dime. Not one penny.

Go forth, deep fry somethingeth. Now be goneth.